The communication between adults and children is not always easy. Although children understand more than you think, they often lack even the words to make yourself understood. In addition, the ambiguous question of parents, overwhelm the children often. It is extremely important that children can trust their parents - sometimes even vital. This mother remembers just in time, the damage they almost havoc with their questions:
"How is it that good parents overlook child abuse? - By not asking the right questions!
One day my son was in the Halloween party a classmate. When I picked him up after a few hours, I looked at his broad smile that he had a good time. Just before we went I was with the Father and the grandmother of his friend at the door.
Both told me how exemplary my son had behaved. My mother's heart was relieved. Thank God: no hassle, no trouble!
I steered my good humored child in the car and drove home. But during the trip I felt uncomfortable. Something was wrong.
As it came over me cold. Oblivious to the traffic light, I drove to the nearest parking lot. From behind came a well deserved honking. But I was out of line. Because I had ever experienced - when I was a child.
I remembered how I had been abused as a little girl by a teenager from the relationship, and how my mother asked a few innocent questions to visit relatives:
"Have you behaved yourself? Have you been like? Were you a good girl? "
My mother did not know:
. 1 that the teenager, who lived there, had threatened me before their arrival (sometimes he was right behind her and clenched his fists or gave me dirty looks for)
. 2 that these issues, particularly in the presence of the person who abused me for sexual experimentation, I signaled in my innocence, that I had to obey my supervisor in any case;
. 3 I, because I had answered at the door with "Yes", thought this answer no longer be able to take back later (which would have meant that I would have to explain my "lie" of previously).
When parents ask their children in the presence of other children and adults, whether they were well-behaved, they often find themselves forced to say yes.
Therefore I turned around in the parking lot to my son and looked him in the eye. again from the beginning I started. I asked the right questions.
Maybe you should consider also to ask these questions if your child the next time is under foreign supervision. I asked my son in private:
- Did you amused yourself?
- How did you spend the time?
- What was your best experience at the party?
- What was your experience unangenehmstes?
- Have you felt yourself?
- Is there anything else happens, you tell me you want?
Make this question by way of a fixed ritual. In addition, it might be helpful to explain to your children that they can complement the narrative at any time, should occur to them later what.
The mistake I made that day, is very common among parents. We feel as masters of the situation, as long as we ask questions. But more specifically parents need everything in question make -. At the right time, the right place "
The author of the review, the 22-year-old activist Tonya GJ Prince from the United States, which on its website information on the serious issue of sexual violence and enlightens. With this startling story it appeals to all adults, not only to have an open ear for the concerns of children, but to ask them the right questions. In addition, relatives of the victims and victims of sexual abuse should always seek professional help. A good place to start is this portal .
Source : heftig.co